Miracle
by XiaoyuKaede
Summary: What is happiness when you're not there to share it with me? How can I live without you there in my life? Xiaoyin. Lemon in later chapters. Told in Xiaoyu's point of view. Now a M fanfic.
1. Introduction: Forever lost

Mhm...this feels so weird. I have no idea just what i'm doing here on this site. its been a long while since i actually stopped by here.

what can i say? maybe i need to sort my thoughts out here or possibly "entertain" you guys with my writing (if that even is possible). [sighs i am so lost...

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Note: i will probably change my style of writing every now and then from the perspective of one character to just plain old 3rd-person writing. let's see how it goes... 

Disclaimer: i do not own this gaming franchise...

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_"Now what?" _

_I stood there in utter confusion as I watched many rush right by me. The clicking of shoes pounding against the ground and voices chatting in unrhythmic unison all cluttered in my ears. So much noise. This all has to happen so early in the morning...Gossip sprouting gently, rumors waiting to happen...that's the life of high school. So early..._

_I yawn vulgarously at the sight of everything. _

_Days like these are made to pass right by me, aren't they? _

_I frown at the thought. _

_This is high school Xiaoyu. You better get used to it. I tell myself. The first day of every school year was always made to be the worst...especially for me..._

_I hear my mind say again: Days like these are made to pass right by me, aren't they?_

_Uh-huh...that's right. Man, the money I'd give for anyone to prove me wrong..._

_Out of the blue, the ear-wrecking sound of the screaming bell reverberated in my ears as my head shook uncontrollably. My vision blew as the people around me jostled their way through the crowd. I sprung abruptly forward, my legs trudging me to God knows where. The path in front of me was a complete haze; everything and everyone in front of me were a bunch of blobs. Like I said, what good will come out of today?_

_After this moment of embarrasment, kneeling and praying for a miracle would be really nice. Before my thoughts were able to completely connect, I shuffled my way into a girl with long, straight, brown hair who was at least an inch or two taller than me. Papers flashed before my face and my eyes saw black for a split second as I realized what just happened. I sat down, skirt lifted upwards, and my underwear thrown out to the public for everyone who was passing by to see. I cowered in fear and as quickly as I was able to manage, tried to maintain my composure by flapping my skirt down. _

_Make no eye contact with the people around you. Just imagine no one saw that._

_...At least, that's what I wanted to think._

_An uproar of unattainable laughter filled the school corridors. My face burned hot with humiliation and defeat. I shielded my eyes with my left hand to block the horrible images that lay in front of me. Then suddenly, a dark silhouette blocked the bright light that tainted by skin. I let my hand go to rest and eyed a tall, fairly fit, and a pretty good looking man standing, lending me a hand. I observed his features and took them in for memory. _

_Wow...he looks so perfect. His dark, brown eyes, tough and strong chin, perfectly shaped mouth, nose carved in the perfect position, and his spiky hair complemented his face so much that it was hard to take it all in. My face burned even hotter. I think I'm getting a fever..._

_I sit there, giving him a curious look unknowingly as he returned the same expression, his having a more "Look retard, this is a hand. Grab it."_ _look to it._

_"Are you ok?" He finally said._

_I instantly grabbed it, admiring his face and his deep and splendid tone of voice. _

_"Yeah. Just perfect." The 'perfect' I spoke of was meant to be about him, but how much more embarrasing would that be if I did actually say so?_

_I hopped to my feet and and patted my skirt as everyone including the mystery man began to wither away. _

_Just what was his name? His age? His year? Suddenly, I felt a need to know just who the man was. EVERYTHING. I guess this is how stalkers are made..._

_I sigh hopelessly._

_I watched him trail away into a door, not once looking back. I become saddened of his actions and felt my heart beat as I remembered the bell. MY CLASS!!!_

_DDDDDDIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_AHH! Damn it!! I guess days like these are meant to be bad in some way, but..._

What if you were to be my miracle?

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Grrr...3 in the morning again...nitey nite...[yawns

:P

-XiaoyuKaede


	2. Requiem

Hm....this really is awkward. Haha. I've been laying off stories for a while.

I think I should just "start over" my account here and write stories a little differently.

I first had an account here by the time I was in the 7th grade. The me then is a totally different person than the me now. Oh, times have changed. Doesn't necessarily mean a good thing either...not bad as well on the same note.

I just got to learn how to grow up. I can start now.

Playtime's over kids.

Get ready for life.

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Disclaimer: I don't own this.

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Note: I'm stepping into Xiao's own personal problems. i'm also going to jump around from her high school life to her adult life in the chapters to show what happened between she and jin. From here on out, it's going to be about her development as a person. boring shizz. i know. oh and by the way, it's xiaoyin. It's also going to be rated M, too. Expect lots of lemon in later chapters.

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_Have you ever wanted something so bad?_

I stood there on my balcony porch, barefoot. The rain turned into small drizzles and I stood there, feeling the soft rain trickle down my cheek. I was pretty used to it. The rain that flushed down on my face. The tears that flowed down from my eyes. It felt all the same. Nothing really got to me that much anymore.

One thing was for sure, gloomy days were not my days.

I stared up at the sky and shielded my eyes with my cold hands. It's December. It's freaking cold. I'm not wearing any thick clothing. But, that's kind of how I like it.

I gripped the railing of my balcony with one hand and slowly brought the remainder of my body forward. Pressing my body against the rail, I stared at the ground from up above. I guess anyone would agree living in an apartment a few stories high isn't too bad. Seeing things at a better view always lets you think differently.

I sighed, reaching my hand in my shorts pocket to remove a pack of cigarettes that I bought the day before. So, I'm a smoker now? Most people would be surprised. Wait. I lied. Everyone that I know would freak.

I lit the end of my cigarette with a lighter and in slow movements, tried to plunge my tension breaker in my mouth. I gulped and suddenly, I paused halfway before it ever reached my lips. Gazing hard at it, I smashed the end of the cigarette with my forefinger and thumb and threw it over my balcony. "Screw it." I dug my right hand into my pocket and discarded the rest of the packet along with the original cigarette.

I guess I lied again. I have never smoked in my whole life. I tried but failed completely. I leaned in further down on the railing and felt the tingle of my cell vibrate in my shorts pocket.

"Hello?" I asked quickly, fixing my bangs to a corner of my forehead.

"Xiao!" It was Miharu.

I felt my insides already begin to churn. Every time she called, it was usually about the good news in her life—something that didn't happen to me, not even in my dreams. "Hey." I said casually, crossing my arm to my right side with my cell still at my ear. "What's up?" I said dully. Mi scoffed and I twitched a little. She knew me all too well.

"Huh? What's this? You're all emo AGAIN?" She laughed it off. I kept a raised eyebrow.

As if it was seriously funny. I would've loved to join in if it was. "You always do this. I'm sad and you take it as your remedy to be happy." Mi was still laughing—this time, her laughs were rising in tone that I pulled my cell away from my face.

I frowned, staying silent the whole time she was enjoying her laughter.

"You know, Xiao, I'm pretty sure that you're totally out of character. What is it this time? The cloudy days got you sad again?"

"Exactly."

"Quit being such a baby." She snapped at me teasingly.

I pouted, wanting to throw a gesture at her in front of her face. "Am not. I just have a lot of things on my mind these days."

It was quiet for a moment then I heard her breath pounding against the end of the line. Can her breathing get any louder? "You sure that's your reason? I've known you for the past six years. I'm your best friend. I know everything about you."

"No lie. That's my reason, for sure." I grinned at the thought of how confused she was at the moment. I knew one thing that she didn't know: she didn't know me completely.

Mi murmured a curse on the other side of the line and let out a quick "ow." She seemed to be busy with something at her place. "Well, if you say so. But really, Xiao. You've been like this for the past few days. What's been eating at you?"

Ok. Here's the thing. Mi was my best friend. I love her to death like a sister and I can tell her anything and she'll listen. But there are definitely times when I just want her to leave me alone and just shut up. Right now is a good example. "Nothing. Everything's perfectly f—"

She yelled through her cell. "You lie!"

I found no use in trying to hide away the true flavor of my thoughts. I sighed and decided to just let it spill. "Ever had one of those days where yo—"

"Yep. I had those kinds of days before. They're no fun at all."

I growled from the inside. She is two times as more annoying than the person that I was before when I was a sixteen. "I didn't even finish what I was going to say!"

"Trust me." Mi was chewing on something, a piece of gum or candy maybe. Her words came out half understandable and total crap at the same time. "You're sad that you have no special someone of your own? "

I let out a soft mumble of agreement and found my feet slowly walking back to my apartment room. I slid the screen door shut and rubbed my drenched feet against my once white carpet.

"Well, if that's the case, why don't I find someone for you?"

I grumbled in annoyance and pranced my way over to my drawer to grab a clean, fresh shirt. "I'd rather have you not do that."

Mi said something this time that had me in complete wonder. She really needs to know when to talk and eat at the right time. Not wanting to ask her again what she had just said, I just replied with a simple direct answer: "No." Hopefully this answer works.

Mi's whining commenced now. "Aww. But Xiao, I think the two of you will be really good together. That's too bad then." Bingo. The right answer I was looking for.

I gently placed my cell on top of my drawer and pressed the speakerphone button. I removed my plain pink shirt and put my bra on, latching it from the back as I talked. "I think I'm capable on finding someone myself, thank you very much." I scooped my hair up from under and let it bounce back to where it was.

There was a sudden pause from where Mi was at and a long, hard gulp came from her mouth. "Bullshit. Let's think about it, Xiao. You're twenty-two. You're single. You never had a boyfriend in your life. You're seriously not happy, and you want something to happen. All you're doing is waiting for chances that will never come all by just sitting there."

I stopped my movements and stood there speechless. She was right. What was I doing? I'm living on my own and have done nothing with my life. What am I going to do in the near future? Just watch my life pass me by? "Yeah. I guess that's true." I sat on my bed, crossing my legs as I continued to listen.

Mi coughed lightly. She probably choked while drinking down her water or something. "Yeah. I mean, look at me. I scored about four guys in the past six months."

I rolled my eyes. The hell with it. I walked over to my cell and touched the "end call" button. She continued to talk even before I was attempted to actually push it. "My point is, I want something done in my life and I do it. I don't just stay put." I backed up, smirking.

"Now that I think about it, I'm hanging out with Julia tonight. I just remembered that she told me to invite you. How about it? Are you up for drinking tonight?" Mi inquired in a jolly manner. "I bet you can meet a guy there."

I bit my lower lip and hesitated for a moment. I guess going out for a drink isn't too bad. On the plus side, I might actually meet someone. "Alright." I said, slipping on my white short shorts. "I'll be there. What time?"

* * *

It was 9:33 P.M.

It was still cold as ice, but I didn't mind. I stood outside of the bar, hands in my sweater pocket and my eyes loitering around. Nothing really grabbed my attention and I stayed quiet in solitude. Then suddenly, I stood there, frozen like an icicle with my mouth opened wide.

Every moment you stand speechless, your jaw just unwinds itself and turns your face into a look of an idiot. There's no doubt that I'm one of them now.

I stared straight ahead of me and saw a girl who I once knew as Miharu.

Catching a glimpse of me from her side, she smiled widely and stampeded her way over to my direction. I still stared in shock at how provocative her clothing was but my train of thought burst when she pinned me with her "Mimi hug attack." Sure I was glad to see her but this girl was sucking all the air from me. I tried to squirm myself out of her grasp, but she had already released me.

Flinging her purse over to her back, she placed a hand on her hip and grinned mischievously. "How's it going, Xiao? It's been a while since I saw you in person."

I cleared my throat, playing with the ends of my hair from my long ponytail. "Well, you know what the deal with me is. But seriously, what's with the outfit?"

Anyone who walked by her could immediately tell that it was all so wrong. Wrong as in the sex-related type of stuff. Wrong as in the dirty "let's do it" kind of mess. Wrong as in "I'm ready for anything you got" kind of thing. Yeah, not exactly appropriate material.

She scratched her head playfully, having no idea what I was talking about. "Uhm, I see nothing wrong here, Xiao. I think you've been hanging around your room way too much. Your head is getting messed up."

I wasn't quite sure if she was avoiding the subject or just plain out naïve of the matter. I think I ought to help her out. "Let's see then. You're wearing a tight ass shirt the reveals your belly."

She looked down to understand my point better. "So?"

'So?' What the heck goes on in her mind?

"It looks like you're wearing no bra underneath." I pointed out matter-of-factly.

She still had her head downwards and examined her chest. She grabbed her breasts and laughed it off. "Hm. Yeah, I know I'm not."

I froze. There is a limit on being overly cute and this one just broke it. According to Mi, being skankish is the new cuteness.

"Your skirt is way too short that I can see your butt."

Mi lowered her eyes. I can tell that she was already getting annoyed from my questions but it didn't really matter to me at the moment. "Everyone has a butt, Xiao. It's not like it's a huge deal."

"Your make-up is too mature looking for you."

"But I'm twenty-two. I'm already an adult."

"You're showing major cleavage."

"I'm a woman. I got to show it off sometime."

"You're showing off too much of your legs."

"I like the way my legs look."

"Your heels look make you look taller."

"…."

"You're wearing a thong."

"You wear one too."

I sighed in defeat and saw her grin at me. I guess there was no use now in trying to talk her out of changing her clothes. I guess this is the main reason why she's such a guy magnet. All look, no real substance. No offense, Mi.

* * *

We both walked into the bar and found Julia already there, sitting alone in a four-man cubicle. At least she looks more "normal" than what Mi thinks of herself right now. Thank God I have at least one close friend with good common sense.

"Xiaoyu. Miharu. Hey!" She yelled while waving a hand at us. I waved back at her as Mi curiously looked around the bar for whatever reason. She managed to snatch away a glass of martini from a waiter's tray and luckily, I grabbed her and ran toward our station just in time before he even found out. I suddenly felt like I was her mother now. Maybe I should scold her for acting like a silly child. Nah, that's a way too mature thing for me to do.

I sat on Julia's side and gave her a quick hug, noting how long it had been since all three of us hung out together.

Julia had her elbow placed flat on the table and used it to support her head. "So what's new with you, Xiao?"

I had to admit it but I really despised that question more than the answer itself. "The usual. I'm miserable. Lonely. Depressed and on my way to becoming a full-fledged emo."

She raised an eyebrow at me and fixed her red glasses back into its proper position. "Let me guess. Rainy days got you depressed again?"

Mi shook her head, gulping down the last drop of her drink. "Y-you'd be surprised. Our poor, little Xiao wants a boyfriend. I can't blame her though. Being single for twenty-two years would drive me off the edge, too." She said this very ignorantly, forcing me to cringe at her remark.

"You know, Mi," I started to say, "I'm not as desperate as you make it seem."

She eyed me carefully, pushing her empty drink away from her. "You know," She dragged her words so slowly it frightened both Julia and I. It wasn't any fun to go out drinking when a friend gets shook up after the first drink. Her boyfriend might see it a different way, though. Some guys seem to like it when a girl is knocked out by alcohol. They can do whatever the hell they want with them. "….You really are a sad person…"

A waiter walked up to us, and I ordered a glass of regular tequila, Miharu ordered three bottles of Heineken beer, and Julia ordered some vodka with a hint of peppermint flavoring and tons of olives. I wasn't really sure how she could handle that. It must taste awful…

"Are you able to handle that? Vodka is pretty strong." I looked at her in curiosity. "Not to mention, it doesn't sound too great as well."

Julia pulled back and had her back right against the chair, tilting her checkered hat back. "I can handle anything you give me." She gave off a slight chuckle for me to indicate the meaning of her joke but even though I didn't get it at first, I just laughed along with her.

Without me realizing it, the waiter stood to the side of me, giving us our drinks. I looked at his face before he walked away and I had to admit, he was a serious looker. He sported dark brown, spiky hair, fine looking eyebrows, a sharp, slightly pointed nose, and an overall strong facial structure. He was also tall with a great, slim, fit complexion that intensified my interest. Unfortunately, it was way too obvious that he couldn't stick with one girl for a while. I watched him cop a feel of a girl's butt and slide his hand on another girl's hand as he tried to grab back the drink she ordered. It was tough trying to find a handsome guy with a good personality. Maybe I need to be less damn picky.

I quickly grabbed hold of my drink and gulped it down in one drink. I needed another. I quickly signaled the waiter to get me another drink and I drank it down swiftly again.

I suddenly felt overwhelmingly stressed in my mind. I guess I couldn't handle drinks that well myself. I slipped my hair tie down and ran a hand through my hair, ruffling through it as I did. I glanced my way over to Julia, who took her time with the olives. I noticed how once she placed an olive in her mouth, she didn't chew it at all. She still held the toothpick in her hand, just sucking on the olive. Her cheeks were curving in more each time she drained in all of the juice out of it. The odd thing was that the look on her face gave off an impression that she was insanely bored. I wondered if this was so.

"Miharu." Julia began, the olive still not out of sight from inside her mouth. "Isn't Hwoarang supposed to meet you here tonight?"

My eyes beamed open wide. Don't tell me that…

Mi's head tilted from side-to-side as though her head was too heavy for her neck to support. "Dat good for n-n-nothing boyfriend of mine?" Ah, whatever. Karma sure does like to piss me off. "Yuh. He's sup-posed to. He would rather b-be wit his friends den me."

"Oh." I answered simply. I had the sudden urge to buy a plane ticket and go off to a foreign country and live life in a new, different way. Japan just didn't seem like the place for me. It's as though someone from up above was trying their best to make a fool of me. There had to be a reason why all of this bad stuff was happening to me. It can't be just coincidence.

I sank in my seat, stealing an olive from Julia to occupy me. "So he's your new guy, huh?"

Mi nodded, lazily looking at me. "Yup. Two days strong." Two days, huh? Well, I guess she's getting somewhere.

Julia eyed me from the corner of her eye, taking a sip of her vodka. "Now that I think about it, didn't the two of you have a thing before in the past?" She just had to go on and mention it.

"I guess you can say we did." I said bluntly. It was the truth. Although we were never made official, Hwoa and I were technically "together". It lasted for about a year only. To me, we were practically friends with benefits, but he was the one that had all the fun. I was just his "cute toy" that he used to play with. He did what he wanted with me and threw me out afterwards.

I hated it. What good was I besides a tool for his gain?

Mi pouted at me. "That stuff doesn't matter. He's mine now." Whatever, you can have him.

I was stuck in a knot. Just sitting here made my blood just stir violently. The thought of my ex-fling and my best friend together made me furious. I squirmed in my seat and placed my cool hand on my burning forehead, slumping down in my seat. I was seriously annoyed now. It was officially the worst day to come along in a while.

Enough was enough. I just had to get the fuck out of here.

I abruptly stood from my seat and saw my two friends look at me curiously. "Sorry guys," I apologized, not really feeling sorry at all. "But I'm just so tired. It feels like I'm about to pass out." Julia nodded at my response to show she understood me, and I waved my goodbyes to them. "Let's hang out next time, maybe at the mall or an amusement park. Anything you guys want, just ask me."

I rushed towards the exit and unnoticably rammed my head into a tall, strong chest. I had no intention to admit my mistake. I was pissed like hell to actually care. That person can think of whatever they want from me--from being rude to being a bitch; I could care less. I tried to run out of the exit but was immediately pulled back by a strong force and was thrown into a man's arms as he held me tightly. The action frightened me but I didn't mind at all, because for some strange reason, the touch felt vaguely familiar.

"Well, I got to admit, but I'm surprised to see you again." He said, a little bit enlightened. I leaned in closer, hugging him tightly as I took a deep breath and inhaled his cologne. I loved the way it smelled and I loved the way it would stick to my clothes afterwards. All of a sudden, my memories with Hwoarang started to pour out.

I let go and took a few paces back, tucking my hair behind my ear as I sighed deeply. I took a good glance at him, taking in all of his features and noticed he kept the same rebellious look to him. He still had spiky orange hair that was slicked back and wore a tight black undershirt with his signature ripped jeans and black sneakers. He also had a pair of earphones that dangled loosely in the air, his ipod sticking out of his jeans pocket, almost slipping out.

I blushed, looking to the ground as I cleared my throat to speak. "So, how have you been?"

He stared at me uncomfortably for moment and kept his gaze to the side as he rubbed his neck from behind. "It's been good, I guess. Nothing great and nothing extremely bad either."

I nodded, feeling my knees shake uncontrollably as he spoke. I wondered why the hell I was freaking out so much. Of course he was drop dead hot, but I didn't think that was the real reason why I was nervous. I realized that more than anything, I hated him.

And to think, I thought memories were usually a good thing that most people are supposed to laugh and smile about.

"I see." I replied as calmly as possible, shoving my hands into my sweater pocket to maintain composure. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes for a second, smiling at him after I became calm. "I'm pretty sure that there's a reason why you came here. Miharu and Julia are sitting in that station over there." I pointed toward the location, now noticing that there was man beside him. I assumed that he came in with Hwoarang, and I stared at him for moment, feeling like I knew him from somewhere.

I still held my eyes on him, and eventually, he noticed my sudden interest. He placed his hands in his jean pockets, and smirked at me coolly.

"Is there something you want?" He talked in a thick British accent, and with a voice that was sure to intimidate anyone that he spoke to. Believe me, he got me. I stood there, flinching from his abrupt talking.

My eyes widened from shock, and I giggled a little. "No, no. I know that I've seen you somewhere, but I just can't figure it out."

He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "You really don't remember?" I shyly denied ever recalling a memory with him and he scoffed, disappointed. "For one thing, I have hung around this bastard for more than forever...even before you met him, so I'm sure that whenever the two of you showed up together back then, I was practically there as well."

I stayed quiet, looking at Hwoarang shake his head at me.

"Also, we go to the same college--you're in three of my classes." I yelped in the inside. My embarrassment soon made my face burn up.

As politely as possible, I shrugged my shoulders, smiling an innocent smile. "I'm sorry. I don't go to my classes often. When I do, I don't pay much attention."

In unison, both the men sighed, staring me down harshly. "You're useless." They both said.

Hwoarang walked up to me and flicked my nose, something that he did countless times before. I glared at him unconsiously and gave him a nefarious look. "You're such a ditz. His name is Steve. Be sure that the next time you see him you won't forget."

I stood straight, mumbling as I began to talk. "I hear you, loud and clear." I looked at the clock ahead of me and saw the clock strike 11. Apparently, I overstayed my welcome. "It's nice that I got the chance to meet up with the two of you after so long, but I really should be going. I'm feeling very weary at the moment." I started for the door and made my way out, signaling my departure with a wave.

There was no doubt that the two of them stared at me as soon as I left. The eyes on the back of my head confirmed it. The pace of my feet sped up; I was clearly uncomfortable at the thought of it. I knew for a fact that Hwoarang stared back at me in that same promiscuous way he always did when we were "together". I began to panick. it was a horrible thought to think of. It was that stare that had always haunted me, especially when I saw him again. I understood that much. One thing was for sure, I fucking hated it.

I hated the way his fingers abused my body. I hated the way his lips touched me without my consent. I hated the way he saw me, standing there completely naked. I hated it all.

I ran instantly to the nearest convinence store and bought a pack of cigarettes. Screw it. I might as well make history for myself by smoking my very first cigarette. It better help me. Twenty seven dollars for a pack isn't worth it if it doesn't deliver. I stormed out of the store and ran toward the park bench that was in front of me across the street. I sat there, my feet on the bench, and took out a lighter from my pocket. I ripped the opening to the cigarette box with my fingernails and discarded the trash above my head. I eagerly snatched a cigarette, lit it, and finally, placed it in my mouth. I watched as the cigarette began to light up at the end, the ashes beginning to form. I coughed at first and my eyes stung from the smoke, but I ignored it. I took in a deep breath from the smoke and felt my mind clear up from all of the stress that was building up in my mind.

This is EXACTLY what I needed.

I cuddled my legs as I placed my chin on my knee. I frowned, just wanting to cry and let all my struggles out. I blamed everything and everyone in my life. Was there a specific reason reason why? No. But it just felt right. I was completely at the point of wanting to just consume myself in sadness. There are NO miracles in life. And that was the truth. Most people would hope and dream for love but to what extent? I already fell for all that shit. As if any good will come from imagining what the ideal life would be.

Maybe I'm better off just being alone and single.

I took another deep breath and felt the cigarette smoke penetrate my lungs. I was such an idiot back then, I should've known better than to believe that Jin was my happiness.

This is what he made me into. I would date any guy just to get him out of my mind. Being with Hwoarang only showed that I am a complete whore.

He used to be my miracle. He used to be my all. He used to be my life.

But what kind of life did I live back then?

What a complete waste of time.

Jin is not my miracle. He never was and never will be.

My head sank lower and I covered my now tearing eyes with my hand. My crying turned to quiet whimpering and my whimpering turned to sobbing. I was in complete pain. I felt like the air around me was tight and limited. It was such a horrible feeling. Lost. Alone. Frightened. What else would suffering be?

I sat there, unable to harbor all my feelings in my body with control. My hands shook and I clenched my hair as I continued to cry louder. Loud enough that still no one could hear.

A quiet suffering.

Tears that did not mean pain to anyone else.

A silent scream that penetrated no one's concern.

A pain, all for me.

* * *

"Hey Miharu." Julia called out, as she placed her head on Steve's shoulder. It was evident that she was worn out from the alcohol but not enough to make her drunk. She snuggled in closer as he placed his hand on her head.

Miharu looked back at her friend lazily, Hwoarang playfully held her head to make it stay in one place. "Wuh-what?"

"I'm sure that you have had more than enough. I think eight bottles of beer is way too much for a small person like you to handle."

"I-I could care less."

Julia shook her head solemnly and rested her head more comfortably on Steve's shoulder. "If that's the case, make sure you take good care of her tonight, Hwoa."

Hwoarang smirked and removed his hold on his girlfriend, leaning himself back in his seat. "I'll do my best." For a moment, he sat there with his hands rested behind his neck and then he jolted forward a little, obviously eager to say something. "Oh yeah."

Julia and Steve looked at him and listened in.

"Me and Steve ran into Xiao back there." He commented, running his hand through his hair. "She seems to be...different."

Julia moved in closer to the table and sighed enourmously. "I guess it's just way to obvious, isn't it?" She stared at him in suspicion but calmed down when he was clean of any kind of bad aura. She felt an awkward rumble occur at the right side of her and saw a pink cell phone vibrate. Xiao left her cell here. She thought and quickly reverted back to Hwoarang. "Yeah. She's been like that lately. You can blame it on her period." She snatched it and grabbed it tightly so no one else would feel or hear the vibrate.

Hwoarang raised his eyebrow in confusion. "It's not like she gave us a bitchy fit or anything. She just seems more...more...." He paused and then cleared his throat. "Mature?"

Steve jingled with the change he had in his pocket and let out a slightly annoyed grumble. "Well, good God. She is an adult now. You can't expect her to act like a child still."

Julia bent her head down and read the highlighted message on Xiaoyu's cell phone. Her eyebrows scrunched together and she frowned deeply, completely pestered. "That's true but believe me when I say that she is on her period 24/7. I'll tell you in advance to not mess with her."

Miharu began to snore on the table with her head hidden between her crossed arms. Everyone at the table chuckled and stared at her. "I should be taking her home soon. Nah. I think my place sounds a whole hell of a lot better." Hwoarang grinned evilly while Steve shrugged his shoulders, giving off the impression that he didn't care one way or other what he did to her. "Anyway, Xiao looks more grown-up. I think I like her better this way."

Steve played with his straw in his cup while Julia continued to mess around with Xiaoyu's phone. They both paid no attention to him.

"Fuck you all." He laughed it off and picked Miharu up in a cradle-like position. "I'm heading on out now. You kids keep it clean." He walked away with a drunken Miharu in his grasp and walked out the door while making a loud commotion in the background as he went.

Steve smoothly placed an arm around Julia's shoulder and bowed his head down to see what she was doing. He rolled his eyes as he found her fingers rapidly moving on the cell phone's keyboard. "What the hell do you think you're doing? That cell doesn't belong to you."

Julia pressed a button and rose her head as she pressed her nose against his. "I thought you weren't the curious type." She slipped the cell into her pocket and pinched his nose joyfully. "At any rate, I don't think it matters. Should we start on home now?"

"Once you're done texting someone else's friend, then yeah."

"You're such a jerk." She laughed. "Let's go."

As they walked towards the exit, Julia pulled out the cell again to her side and looked through Xiaoyu's contact list. She looked through the J's and pressed the "erase" button on Jin's number. He won't be able to talk to her in a while. She thought as she smiled. She hid her cell back in her pocket and ran up to Steve and hugged his arm.

"You know, we should hang out in my house. I'm not tired." She chirped, hugging his arm even tighter.

"If that's what you want."

"...and if you like, you can stay the night as well."

"If that's what you want." He repeated, chuckling as he said it.

They walked on the street in the cold, winter night, supplying the other with their bodily heat.

* * *

So long. Please read and review, if interested.

-Xiaoyukaede


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